AgeSmart Blog
I'm Not a Caregiver, I'm Their Daughter
November is National Family Caregiver Month
by Marjorie Moore | October 29, 2026
Before the lists, I was just their daughter.
My family is typically private about their health affairs, so I won’t list the medical issues we’ve dealt with as a family over the past 15 years. But let’s just say we’re all lucky MyChart exists so that their doctor’s office doesn’t need a forklift to move their medical files.
My road to being a caregiver started gradually, and like most, it started with groceries. Sure, I’m happy to grab the gluten-free crackers from Dierberg’s before I come over so you don’t have to make the 50-mile trip. Of course, I’ll take my uncle to the grocery store now that he can’t drive, I was going anyway. And yes, it’s no problem for me to carry the soda in the house. And while I’m here…
As a family, we totaled 15 hospital stays, 3 bed rests, and more “we have to talks” than I’d like to count before I looked up one day from separating a mountain of pills on my uncle’s kitchen table into tiny Dixie cups so they’d be easy to remember and take over the next week and I realized that somewhere along the way, I became a caregiver too.
My road to being a caregiver started gradually, and like most, it started with groceries. Sure, I’m happy to grab the gluten-free crackers from Dierberg’s before I come over so you don’t have to make the 50-mile trip. Of course, I’ll take my uncle to the grocery store now that he can’t drive, I was going anyway. And yes, it’s no problem for me to carry the soda in the house. And while I’m here…
As a family, we totaled 15 hospital stays, 3 bed rests, and more “we have to talks” than I’d like to count before I looked up one day from separating a mountain of pills on my uncle’s kitchen table into tiny Dixie cups so they’d be easy to remember and take over the next week and I realized that somewhere along the way, I became a caregiver too.
It was sneaky, and despite having four loved ones over 70 living close by in varying degrees of health, I was not expecting to become a caregiver. If I’m being honest, I don’t think they expected it either.
It hasn’t been a straight line. Early on, I made a rule: only one of you in crisis at a time. I’ve been lucky they’ve stuck to it. Most families have a hard time with this rule. Sometimes, things are quiet. There are still some things to attend to, but it can be scheduled and worked into life. But inevitably, a new pain, or dizziness, or a fall happens, and it’s back into action. Suddenly, I’m picking up extra daily tasks and sometimes learning new medical tasks that I guarantee my degree in Broadcasting did not prepare me for. Because as a society, we just expect that family caregivers will learn to pass meds, wrap and clean wounds, and perform a single person lift the hospital requires two trained people to do. As caregivers, we shrug and say, “That’s what you do for someone you love.”
It’s not fair. And sometimes, it’s really lonely.
I want you to know you’re not alone.
Now, if you’ve gotten this far and you’re still not sure if you’re really a caregiver, I’ve got an easy test to figure it out.
In the past 3 months, have you done one or more of these things on behalf of a loved one?
- Grocery Shopping
- Meal Prep or Delivery
- Running Errands
- Helping with Housework
- Filling Medicine Boxes
- Driving to Doctor's or Other Appointments
- Scheduling Appointments
- Handling Finances
The second step is asking for a little help. And that’s where AgeSmart comes in for you.
Here are a few of the things we can help with.
Did your loved one skip their meds every other day for the last week before you caught it and you’re not sure what to do next? You call a Caregiver Specialist. We have five in our network, three at AgeSmart and two at St. John’s Community Care who can walk you through it. They’ll listen and help you build a practical plan, and when your nosy aunt tries to weigh in with something less than helpful, they’ll let you vent.
If there are more bad days than good days lately and you really need to talk, there is a network of Caregiver Counselors across our region at Programs and Services for Older Persons and Counselors Associates who offer both in-person and virtual short-term counseling.
Maybe what you really need is a room of people who get it. Drop in to a Coffee with Caregivers. No agenda, just caregivers supporting each other and free coffee. If you want to double down on those skills they didn’t teach you in school, Savvy Caregiver, Stress Busting for Caregivers, Powerful Tools for Caregivers, and Laugh Labs are evidence-based classes we offer at various times throughout the year. Keep an eye one the AgeSmart newsletter or Facebook page for dates, times and locations.
And since no caregiver’s story is the same, we also have resources for legal services, respite care, support for nontraditional caregivers like grandfamilies, and more when you’re ready to get connected.
If you’re overwhelmed, it’s ok. The easiest way to get started is to give us a call at 618-222-2561 or email us at ask@agesmart.org and tell us you’re a family caregiver. We’ll take it from there.